When I chopped off my hair this morning / by mmkeyes

Sometimes you let someone chop a foot of your hair off on a whim.

But let me take you back a bit before we go into that.

For the last year, I didn't use heat on my hair. I know, I'm crazy. From working at a beauty supply store and just from being a woman, I've heard nonstop about how damaging heat is to hair. Blah blah blah. We all know it, but we all still straighten and curl our hair to our heart's content. But I was getting frustrated with my hair's lack of growth and with its stringiness. Given the fact that my hair is both fine and thin, I thought that my best odds for great hair would be not using heat on my hair at all. And I did it. I'm pretty proud of it, actually. In 13 months, I blew my hair dry a handful of times and used a curling iron or straightener on it another handful of times. That's it. So pat me on the back already.

Guess what? My hair may be healthier (I'm sure it is), but I'll never really know, since all of the healthy stuff is still at the top of my head. Guess what else? My hair is still thin and fine (shocker). I'm not sure what I expected, honestly. Regardless, my hair still isn't what i want it to be.

As I've mentioned in past blog posts, I've felt frustrated with how beauty-obsessed the world we live in is. I'm trying to think along different lines as much as possible. It's really hard. It's utterly ingrained in our culture and surroundings. But I'm trying to

  • focus on what it would be like if my outer beauty were a direct reflection of my character and inner beauty
  • compare myself less with those around me
  • see others less for their artificial features and more as children of God
  • do things that challenge my need to conform to the world's beauty paradigm

This leads us to today. I've definitely had an issue with hair envy (among other envies). It's led me to compare myself to others and always feel myself coming up short. And I hate that I do that. Even though I would love love love to have long, thick, luscious locks, I'm trying to accept the reality that my hair isn't meant to be long. And as dumb as that may seem to some, it's not easy. Long, thick hair is a trademark of femininity and beauty. Part of me wants to conform to that. But the wiser part of me realizes that

The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.

I realized that I was putting way too much emotional energy into thinking about my hair (among other traits), and that it needed to stop. And I needed to accept that my hair isn't what makes me who I am.

So this morning, I called the salon, made an appointment, and chopped my hair off 40 minutes later.

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Cuz hair doesn't really matter.